The following is my top 10 list of things that I am thankful for:

10. The mind blowing power of the internet, although, I utilize it mostly to read the same lame jokes sent by friends at work.

9. I play golf with three buddies who are actually worse than me.

8. I have learned to text on the phone. Due to my slow-moving fat fingers, it takes me five minutes to communicate a thought that took me five seconds by phone.

7. The slumping stock market which eliminated all my April 15^th tax stress.

6. OPEC, for raising the price of gas, which got me into jogging and in better shape.

5. My grown kids, for not leaving the house, even though I changed the locks and served them with an eviction notice.

4. A 52 inch flat screen HD television which makes it easy to spend Football Sunday in my pajamas.

3. The Football Giants put a smile on my face after the Super Bowl, and the grin hasn't left.

2. The thief that stole my wife’s credit card and spent less than she did.

1. The Pilgrims who resisted the temptation to feast on spam and mac and cheese, thus preserving this great holiday.