The Quest for Happiness

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Added: Fri Dec 14th 11:10am
Posted in: Mental Health

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If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. Apparently, there's not a lot of hand clapping going on. Have you been in a bookstore lately? The happiness industry is smiling from ear to ear. There's Stumbling on Happiness, The Secrets of Happiness, In Search of Happiness, The Art of happiness, The Happiness Makeover and for those who think they're smarter than the rest of us - The Psychology of Optimal Experience.

Money can't buy happiness but it can buy a happiness coach. Thehappyguy.com offers a "Happiness Check-up" package for $250 a month. It includes a half-hour telephone call every two weeks, plus email consultations. He's only too happy to make you that offer.

The quest for happiness is as old as the quest for fire. The buzz associated with stalking, killing and eating a wooly mammoth proved to be transitory, at best. The initial feeling of satisfaction and superiority was quickly forgotten when T-Rex stopped by the cave in a bad mood.

Some researchers say the reason we're almost always unhappy is that our brains are hard-wired to look for what's wrong, what's threatening. We're programmed at a cellular level to constantly compete. Darwin calls it survival of the fittest. Donald Trump calls it the art of the deal.

Could it be that many of the happiest people simply lack this "quest for success" gene - resulting in a “slacker buzz.” Unfortunately, it's not that easy. Scientists acknowledge these powerful genetic predispositions but say happiness is partly within our control. Kind of like our cholesterol level. Authors and celebrities take that as encouragement to write another book. Thank goodness for Mary Lou Retton's Gateways To Happiness: 7 Ways to a More Peaceful, More Prosperous, More Satisfying Life.

Therapists like to say happiness is a choice. That just sets us up for more therapy because who wouldn't choose to be happy? We've become a society that actually celebrates unhappiness. How else can you explain Jerry Springer?

I try hard to look at life from the glass half-full perspective but we're constantly bombarded by glass half-empty images. The world's best marketing minds sit around thinking of ways to make us feel unsatisfied. And they're pretty good at it. All we need to be happy is shiny hair, a new job, 20 fewer pounds, a Caribbean cruise, and a wide-screen TV.

What we call happiness, researchers refer to as "subjective well-being." I'm not happy about that. Why do they have to turn simple words into convoluted concepts? I'm certain McDonalds isn't toying with the idea of a subjective well-being meal.

Mom was the first to tell us that money can't buy happiness but she's the first to buy a lotto ticket every week. Research has proven that being poor makes you miserable but, once basic needs are provided, money doesn't have much impact. In other words, once we've met the basic human needs of food, clothing, shelter and high-speed cable, more stuff does not translate to more happiness.

So, why are we so unhappy? Why are we surrounded by road rage, workplace violence, school shootings, domestic violence, family dysfunction and divorce?

Researchers who conduct the ultimate exit interviews (talking to people on their
deathbed) tell us the two most common questions asked just before death are "Was I loved?" and "Did I love? "

After spending a good three or four hours studying happiness, I've come to the following conclusions.
1: Happiness is not a constant state and never will be. It's simply a fleeting emotion that we need to cultivate and enjoy when it arrives but not despair when it leaves.
2: Happiness comes from community not capital. It's about the meaningful relationships we share with others. The problem is, most of us don't realize it until we're on our deathbed. I'll leave you with that happy thought.